this is so awkward... a
i am trying to pacify an intense feeling felt against me...
the same feeling that i felt and i had failed to overcome myself....

this blogspot caught a glimpse of my life with my first very serious relationship. it witnessed a lot of pain, moods, trials, joys and shenanigans. but what i havent kept track of the ones worth treasuring. i have been so busy with her that i did not even have time to share my joys through writing.

ten months of bliss with someone who knows me to the soul. ten months with her. the one i truly love.

nothing could compare the time i spent with nikki. nothing and no one could ever replace her. she has shared ten months with me. all the sorrow could easily fade whenever i am with her. i had been very faithful to her and i know that she had too.

how did we meet? we didnt, she was my classmate for 2 years and it took me hella lot of time to realize that she was the one who i really like to spend the rest of my life with. we were also in a same group of friends so we had a lot of time to know each other. she speaks up her mind with a certain wisdom uncommon to a lot of people. we have a lot of things in common. perfect fit.need i say more?

its a dream to reality. i didnt know that the real thing made me happier than ever.

everything went smoothly after i made her say yes. it was so romantic. for me but not for others maybe. the hell i care about others. it was romantic period. we spent the night beside each other in my room and i was hugging her so tight that i though that she couldnt breathe or something. ill never forget that kiss. it matched my lips like a piece from a jigsaw and from that time on couldnt stop kissing her. it was a perfect match. hers and mine. nirvana.

we argue. but most of the time we dont. we agree on a lot of things and her maturity blended with a pinch of childishness made me stare in awe. during our conversations she does all the talking. a lot of times. but this time she didnt. i did.

i told her things that i know she wasnt supposed to know. things from the past that hurted her. i was too complacent that she wouldnt give a damn with what i just said. it was late for me to know that it wasnt. nothing can be undone.

now someone whom i treasure has lost faith in me. someone that i cant lose now has a reason to leave me.

she had been a witness of ten months of my life and i iam pretty sure that i want her to witness the rest of my life. i hope that she would let me. im so scared. im so damn scared