okay okay...
so i was kinda lazy in writing blogs.maybe i was just all gushy and stuff.iono.i just dont know what to feel.im always this uncertain.she made me this uncertain.i dont want to be that complacent nor insecure about her.because shes doing stuff that im not sure of.shes changing me.the question is...until when will i stand this time of pretensions?or rather my stupidity?i can obviously see that she could control me in any way possible.and i,sad as is may seem,live with it by being simply submissive.
man has the gift of reason.but love is a death gift.contrasting the principles of emotions and reason.its plainly hard to decide on love especially when you love excessively.haha excessively.its really getting into my nerves.hehe...
anyway...2 days ago (jan 3).she made something that made me really leap for joy.she gave me the thing that i have been persuading her to buy for me.it isnt cheap so she told me to get lost.but she gave me one!wheeee!she gave me a nirvana cd.but on my way home the insects of uncertainty has been creeping on my pants and slowly eating me whole.it made me more confused if what am i to her.i totaly admit that i always see the giant green monster of jealousy if she talks about her ex that she still loves.but who wouldnt?im only human with my mistakes and she isnt that perfect too.i hope i could hold on to this situation until summer.i dont deny the fact that i enjoy her company,her sweetness(ugh i am so gullible when it comes to those things)our boisterous laughter,everything actually!id be completely crushed to know the whole truth.its what scares me.i hope that i could hold on apple...
i love you too much to let you go...i love you too much to hold on to this madness...