god is good....all the time!

its odd how things come their way.i mean.why all problems can be solved always by the mind and not by the heart?my heart has been badly beaten for awhile.and my mind thinks that i should put a lid on this.2-3 months maybe is enough time to think about things.i have been taking baby steps for too long now.i actually been having "baby turtle steps" to be frank with myself.but before i start with pieces of crap.ill just make kwento of what recently happened so i wouldnt sound confusing.
there we were yesterday (jan18) at glorietta 4.i thought i would be enjoying the rest of the day.because we planned that affair for about 2 weeks.aissa,frances,em,fayah,sheila and i were there.and suddenly she approached me and told me that someone who's really really unexpected would come.its her ex.i didnt know what to react.i was quiet the whole time while walking towards the photo booth.i wasnt making inarte or something.but something really bothered me.i really felt stupid for being at the wrong place at the wrong time.there they were...after around 30 minutes standing infront of the kodak booth.i saw the dreaded face of the green monster of jealousy.no one could ever make me feel better that time.i felt like crying but i didnt.i had to hold the tears for tears would automatically signal my loss.the only thing left with me was my brain dictating to every part of my body what to do.how could anyone possibly stand that sight?im not bragging but i dont think that no one of my knowledge could do such a thing.i even accompanied them to the terminal eventhough the mrt station(where im supposed to ride to go to jenna's bday)was around 2 miles away.who would feel bad about it?i know im not perfect but who could prevent me from speaking ill of them?never in my whole life has i have been humiliated so much that i though of commiting suicide.i almost jumped while the mrt train was nearing me.but i didnt jump coz i love my parents too much to disappoint them.after that.i went to jenna's house to party with her because it was her 18th birthday.she told me that she'd call me but no one answered.coz jenna's fone as busted the whole time.then my fone suddenly beeped a familiar sound.its a text from her.saying "san k na?kain lng ako ah.luv u" its the text that led me towards my ocean bed.i know its not for me coz she knows where i was that time.so there was i again.trying to hold back the tears.so i just tried to neutralize the bitterness that surrounded me by spending more time with jenna's friends.i could really hug them for being so accomodating.they made me feel complete again.no exaggeration.thats why god really exists.i really am a believer!hehehe.he helped me through thick and thin..anyway..im off now...im going to mass..thank him for everything...and ask more for strength.we might see each other tomorrow.to end all of these madness..i love her too much to stay.i dont want to inflict severe harm to myself anymore.im not sure of what i am capable to do if she still keeps on hurting me.the pain would take a lifetime to heal.thats for sure.im feeling it now.