another test

lets see if i can cross post this to my blogger site :)

the irony of being alone.

i chatted with a former college classmate of mine.first question she thought about was how nikki is.i really didnt know what to say but i eventually told her the truth.i expected alteast a comforting word from her but i didnt get anything. its not that i needed sympathy or anything but i felt bad at first about it but then i realized that people wont do anything for us. they may give us support and make things easier for us but in the end we are the ones who we should rely on. no on will make the pain go away. no one will solve problems that only we are capable of solving.

but right now i am very thankful to her..nikki who made everything possible for me.. for making me feel stronger by leaving me and making me realize that i can rely on myself. thanks for giving me the opportunity of correcting my past mistakes..

new life has been given to me. this is the worst and best part of losing the one you love..

im still hoping that one day when im a better person you will get to see it...

empty
this is how i feel now. not numb. not angry. empty. there is something missing in my life. its not because im not happy with my life. its because i lack something. my body can not fully rest if i fail to find it.
our relationship has reached its peak. and now the magic is gradually subsiding. i can feel it. and i know that she feels it as well. but my way of bringing it back only made things worse. the person that i thought that i could love with both my head and heart now used her head and i, again used my tired heart.
i opened my whole heart to her in just a day and she complained that she cant take my unnecessary woes and pains. maybe there is really something wrong with me handling depression. i didnt like this to happen. then why does this always happen to me? havent i learned from the past relationships in which more than blood was shed?do i really have to leave my comfort zone in order for me to learn?iam hurting inside. i really do. i dont know where to start filling the gaps of my broken heart.


senti songs.
cigarette butts scattered.
lights off.
phone in my hand.
tissue on the other.

still no answer.

this is so awkward... a
i am trying to pacify an intense feeling felt against me...
the same feeling that i felt and i had failed to overcome myself....

this blogspot caught a glimpse of my life with my first very serious relationship. it witnessed a lot of pain, moods, trials, joys and shenanigans. but what i havent kept track of the ones worth treasuring. i have been so busy with her that i did not even have time to share my joys through writing.

ten months of bliss with someone who knows me to the soul. ten months with her. the one i truly love.

nothing could compare the time i spent with nikki. nothing and no one could ever replace her. she has shared ten months with me. all the sorrow could easily fade whenever i am with her. i had been very faithful to her and i know that she had too.

how did we meet? we didnt, she was my classmate for 2 years and it took me hella lot of time to realize that she was the one who i really like to spend the rest of my life with. we were also in a same group of friends so we had a lot of time to know each other. she speaks up her mind with a certain wisdom uncommon to a lot of people. we have a lot of things in common. perfect fit.need i say more?

its a dream to reality. i didnt know that the real thing made me happier than ever.

everything went smoothly after i made her say yes. it was so romantic. for me but not for others maybe. the hell i care about others. it was romantic period. we spent the night beside each other in my room and i was hugging her so tight that i though that she couldnt breathe or something. ill never forget that kiss. it matched my lips like a piece from a jigsaw and from that time on couldnt stop kissing her. it was a perfect match. hers and mine. nirvana.

we argue. but most of the time we dont. we agree on a lot of things and her maturity blended with a pinch of childishness made me stare in awe. during our conversations she does all the talking. a lot of times. but this time she didnt. i did.

i told her things that i know she wasnt supposed to know. things from the past that hurted her. i was too complacent that she wouldnt give a damn with what i just said. it was late for me to know that it wasnt. nothing can be undone.

now someone whom i treasure has lost faith in me. someone that i cant lose now has a reason to leave me.

she had been a witness of ten months of my life and i iam pretty sure that i want her to witness the rest of my life. i hope that she would let me. im so scared. im so damn scared

comfort zone = nee


meeeh = happy

i am inlove and i am aware of it!

u know yourself....

i know the truth!!!!!!!!it sets me free...although it hurted me like hell...and i feel damn incomplete..i still know everything..